Close to a semester's end

Whew... we're almost done. I can see the end of the tunnel!

This semester has been a hard one for so many people I know. I don't know what is different, but people have been struggling in classes, friendships, relationship, work, and sleep. To the naked eye, nothing is different, but something unseen is causing trouble.

Jordan and I are counting down the days to the end of the semester... This has definitely been his hardest semester... the poor boy has been working on 18 credits worth of classes. To put it into perspective, 12-16 is considered full time, and anything more needs extra permission and money. But come December 19th, he will be 18 credits closer to graduation.

I have been floating along with only 13 credits, and still struggling to stay on top. I think wedding plans are distracting. Next semester I am only taking 12 credits, and 3 of those are not even a semester-long classes. I think I'll be sticking to 12 credits from now on as well. Once I'm married, and Jordan is working, I'll want time for life, not just school. (plus that nasty word, WORK)

We are slowly getting used to the idea that in 6 months we will be living together, cooking together, washing laundry together, arguing over chores together, and just simply existing together. I honestly am not sure how I will manage for the first little while. We have lived the last 3 years with a curfew. Come 11:00 (1:00 now) it's time to send him home... but then... I will be home for him.

The idea of waking up next to someone I love so much is indescribable. I can't wait for the little things, like seeing our toothbrushes standing next to each other by the sink... making breakfast for two... sharing a sock drawer... drinking morning coffee together... grocery shopping together.

This man who has seen all my good days and bad days and even the hellish days... but who is still there, wanting to marry me... It's hard to believe such a man exists... but there he is. He's not perfect, he's had his good days and bad days and butthead days just like me. Luckly, the butthead days and the witch days don't fall on the same day usually.

I am really truly blessed to be able to call him mine. And I am honored to call myself his. In 6 months, when we make the ultimate promise to each other, when we seal the deal, I will be The Happiest Girl on Earth.

Until then, I wait extremely impatiently for May 17. And I love him... my Jordan. :-)

My Dad

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have the world's best Dad. Don't try to argue the point with me, you won't win. My Dad is the best and thats all there is to it.

Since I can remember, Dad has been working. The job and the hours have changed, but the quality and effort hasn't. My parents decided a long time ago that my Mom would be a stay-at-home mom, and Dad would work. I can't thank them enough for that. While Dad worked long hours, sometimes at night, sometimes gone for a week, I knew it was for me. (And my 4 siblings, of course) And even through the hardest time for my family, I never doubted his love for me.

My siblings and I were (and the youngers still are) home schooled. Mom was my teacher for a while, and then I was my own teacher through correspondence classes. Dad didn't often help with my "formal" education. But I think he has taught me something better. Determination, commitment, respect, and loyalty.

With every job my Dad has held, he has worked hard. He has even taken on more hours that is healthy for a normal human being, because he said the job would get done, and stuck with it until it was. When co-workers have quit and gone home for the day, Dad will finish what they left undone.

I suppose you could say Dad is a people pleaser, but not in a brown-noser kind of way. My Dad earns the respect of others by giving others respect. That's where I get it from. :-) (I also get my stubbornness from him) He earns loyalty by being loyal. For the most part, my Dad lives by the golden rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated.... even if others still don't appreciate him.

Now, before you go thinking I'm biased (even though I am) I must point out that my Dad is not perfect. He has a temper. When he is upset, he doesn't like to talk about it. He lets things eat at him to avoid ugly confrontation. And if you hurt him, it takes a while for him to forgive, though he will eventually.

These things used to bother me. Growing up, I couldn't understand why he was like that. There were some nights when you could cut the tension in the house with a knife. I'm still not sure I understand...

But then I started dating Jordan. Over the three years we've been together, Jordan has seen both my good side as well as my bad side. In talking about things, he has brought to my attention that I have a lot of the same qualities as my Dad. I already knew we shared the same feelings about respect and loyalty. (Ask any of my friends... if you don't respect me, I lose respect for you. Fast.) But along with all of the good qualities, we share many of the bad ones too.

So while I still don't fully understand some of my Dad's character traits, it is easier for me to accept them, knowing I have them too. I just hope we never get each other too upset!

My Dad is wonderful. In his quiet, subtle way, he's always got some way of showing me how proud he is of me... and sometimes, it's not so quiet. Like today. I got home from vespers, and found a message from him telling me just how proud he was. It was really special. I don't get to talk to him much because we are both busy people now. But when I get little messages like that from him, it makes me smile.

I must admit though... I'm not looking forward to him walking me down the aisle at my wedding... Don't get me wrong, I want him to... but when he starts crying, I'm going to lose it, and all my pretty make-up is going to run right off my face... and it will be all his fault! ;-)

Dad, if you're reading this (which I'm sure you are) I just want to tell you that I love you. And I'm proud of you too.
From your first "Daddy's little girl" xoxo

Sitting at work... anything but alone.

Tonight I was late for work. I was riding back from Nashville with Jordan after a weekend video shoot. We were a timezone to the left, and had daylight savings ending, so our inner clocks were completely off...

But I won't blame being late on the time. That would be like blaming athsma on air... Ok, not exactly.

We got up late this morning, because we could... and then I turned on the TV, and we watched a portion of James Bond... then we decided we were hungry, so we gave away an hour and a half of our morning to the Sunday-after-church-Cracker-Barrel rush.

So really it was our fault we were late. Oh well.

But Jordan and I had some good discussion on the way home. We talked a lot about what I could do for a living/ministry. What I would like to do is get kids and teens involved in photography as a way of expressing themselves, and also as a way of helping them find God for themselves. Photographs can express so much, and can help someone see something they wouldn't have seen otherwise. Photographs can be a ministry in themselves.

Each one of us is different. And likewise, everyone sees the world in a different way. Some people may only see the heartache. Others see the positives. And still others just look at the details of life, the little things that make life what it is, good or bad.

Even kids see the world differently than we do. They are so innocent and naive, they would notice so many things that we brush off as just filler, background, unimportant. I can't wait to see what kids see through the lens of a camera.

Well, I've rambled enough. Its time to try to get homework done.

My cell phone adventure!

Here ya go. My day, minus a few points. Enjoy!

Check back tomorrow for....

A day in the life... with ME!

I've decided to document my day tomorrow via cell-phone pics. I've got a new 2 gig card in my phone, so I can take all the pics I want to. This is an experiment. If it goes well, I might do it once a month or so, just for fun.

So, check back here, tomorrow night, for...


A Day In The Life Of Ashley!

Hey, I just realized...

I have had this blog for 4 years! I started in October of 2004, and here it is, October 2008! Wow... time flies. A lot has changed since this blog began. Hmmm....

I want to travel...

Has anyone ever been to Taiwan? I haven't either. But I've been looking at websites about it... (most not in English) and it is a gorgeous place. Look at it on Google Earth sometime.... Specifically the Nantou County (right in the middle) and the city/village of Yu Chih. It's beautiful.

Jordan, I know where I want to honeymoon.....

Etch-A-Sketch

I was sitting in church today and there was a little boy sitting in the row in front of me. He was active, as most boys his age are, but quiet. I figured out why he was so quiet when he lifted up a red and black etch-a-sketch and began to shake it, narrowly missing his chin. These old toys are probably very familiar to any child who has spent any time in a church service. They are amazing and magical. (Unless you click on this post's title, which discloses how these wonders work)

As I was watching him try not to bonk himself in the nose with the E-Sketch, a thought occurred to me. Wouldn't it be great if life were like an etch-a-sketch?

Imagine, You're going along smoothly, life is turning out just how you wanted it to, and then you twitch the knob the wrong way... you fail a class. A quick shake erases the F forever.

Or say you decided to date the "wrong" guy or girl, and the relationship ended terribly and you just want to wipe away the memory of all the hurt and pain... with a flick of the wrist, the memory of the person fades into a film of grey dust.

Or you make the choice to buy something extra this week... one more latte, or a new pair of shoes, or a video game. But that purchase leaves your bill money dangerously low and you can't make the payments... just shake and erase the costly indulgence, and end up back where you started.

It sounds great, doesn't it? Complete control over what stays or goes. We decide what the world remembers of us. We can erase the mistakes with a simple shake.

But is it simple? Anyone who has played with an E-Sketch knows there is no erasing without erasing the whole thing and starting over. Even if you try to be gentle and just tap the board, just to get rid of that one little mistake, it messes up the whole picture. No matter how hard you try, erasing one mistake means erasing everything and starting from scratch.

Imagine if life were like that.

You're in your last semester of college and fail just one class. In trying to erase the F, you shake up the whole thing, and have to start college all over again...

Or with that wrong relationship. If trying to erase the memory, you smudge every relationship and have to begin again with no one...

Or with the expensive indulgence. Try to erase it so the money appears back in your bank account, and you wipe away all your earnings and savings with a flick of your wrist. You have nothing...

What if God treated us like an etch-a-sketch? Each time we sin, He erases us from existence, with no hope. I imagine that would be rather frustrating, just like when we shake an etch-a-sketch and have to start all over. Pretty soon, all you want to do is give up. But God never gives up on us.

God has a different kind of etch-a-sketch. He erased just the mistakes with the death if His Son, Jesus. He still erases the mistakes with His love. We don't have to worry about starting over.

Isn't it wonderful that life is not like an etch-a-sketch?

Dusty

Marked
Filled with bookmarks
And dog-ears
And highlighter
And notes
And pieces of paper
But dusty.

Loved
Read and memorized
And shared
And thought about
And pondered
And written about
But dusty.

Filled
Stories and parables
And sermons
And lessons
And mistakes
And promises fulfilled
But dusty.

Dusty
Shelved and forgotten
And passed over
And dismissed
And needed
And occasionally thought of
But dusty.

Some ponderings...

Hey all,

This is a post from back in December. I was going through a low point and had a lot on my mind. This spilled out into my journal one Sabbath afternoon. I may use the concept again sometime... maybe for an actual article. Let me know what you think!

xoxo,
Ashley


It's Sabbath. Lately Sabbaths have been getting more tolerable. They were getting really hard to deal with. I was feeling like a hypocrite sitting in the pew. I felt like I didn't belong. But Jordan kept dragging me along. He sat beside me with his arm around me, gently, silently, telling me it was ok, that I was supposed to be there, it was alright. If it hadn't been for him, I don't know where I would be right now.

But I'm here now. In my room. Alone. I went to church this morning. I didn't feel uncomfortable being there. I wasn't as comfortable as I once was, but it wasn't bad. That church makes it easy to want to be there. Everyone welcomes you and greets you like it's your first time being there. Of course, that's probably because they are so old they don't remember you being there last week. But really, it's a nice place. I'm probably going to transfer my membership there within the next year or so.

But the real reason I wanted to write was because I've had something going through my mind lately that I wanted to get out and ponder.

Honestly, I don't pray. I try sometimes, and maybe it can be considered prayer, but it never really feels satisfying for me. So I don't. I know I should, and I do feel guilty about it, but for a few years now, I've started wondering, what's the point? I don't know if my prayers even go anywhere. I can't sense in any way that they were received.

Are prayers just like kites? You send them up, but they only go so far? Kites are held at the end of a string. Is that how prayers are? They are sent up, reeled out, but pulled back in when no answer immediately shows up?

Or are they like a ball? Thrown in the general direction of God only to come bouncing back down and rolling away? Or a boomerang that just circles around to hit you in the head, never going anywhere at all?

What about steam? Are prayers like steam? It floats away into invisibility, but then you never really know where it goes. Did it really go anywhere?

Or smoke. Do they just billow upwards only to hit the ceiling, leave a mark, and float back down to choke you?

Or like a tether-ball, you keep having to hit it away, but it always comes right back, with absolutely no point?

I was pondering all of this in my head on my way to a class, when it hit me. Helium balloons. Prayers are like helium balloons.

Think about it. All they want to do is go up, they are just waiting to be released. If you let them go, but still cling to the string, they can only go so far. If you keep hanging on, eventually they deflate and fall. But if you are brave enough, you can step outside, and let go. The helium balloon does the rest. All it can do is go up and up and up, like it's on a track or a path or... a string. Like it's on a string being pulled to Heaven, finally, now that you've let go of it.

Yeah, that's how prayers are. They are tugged at from heaven, waiting to be released so they can be answered. But if you don't let go, God will, and the prayer will fall, unanswered, because you couldn't give it up. You must give it up completely, give it over, before anything can be done.

I can just picture a field filled with people, each holding a balloon. Each balloon is filled with prayers and helium. All at once, they are released, and each one flies on it's path to Heaven.

Wow. Balloons. Prayers are like....balloons.

Logan, the SkyAngel Cowboy

Grab some tissues... this will bring tears to your eyes, but a smile to your face. If only we all had the connection with God that this guy has...

A Wedding Adventure!

For the few people who still don't know, Jordan and I got engaged on March 2. We've now stepped into the whirlwind of wedding planning!

There is no date set yet, we haven't had time to get our calendars together. (We had a minor car accident that left me with a fractured bone in my hand and Jordan recently had his appendix out!) But we are slowly getting up to speed on planning!

We are hoping to have a small, intimate wedding here in Tennessee.

We will try to keep this updated with our progress.

Love to all!
Ashley and Jordan

7.6 billion years???

I just read a news article stating that scientists have figured out how the earth will come to an end, and about how long it will be until then. Those are some pretty large numbers. According to this article, the world will be drawn magnetically into the sun, and basically vaporize. But it won't happen for another 7.6 billion years.

7.6 billion years...? I'm sorry, but when you are predicting something that far ahead, it sounds more like a not-so-educated guess than a certainty.

But, lucky for us, science says we won't be around for the vaporization, at least not the Big one. Apparently we've only got about a billion years left before the sun has completely evaporated our oceans, ponds, and rivers, and baked our sorry selves to a crisp. Well, at least I'll be long gone (one way or Another) by then.

I guess when you think that we've been here for 3.7 billion years already, it doesn't seem too impossible... oh wait, thats right. Those first 3 billion years we were just pond scum, floating around in nothing, waiting for the big bang to zap us into existance. So the .7 billion years that we've been semi-intelligent isn't that long at all.

Yeah, right.

How is it that scientists are so certain about their educated assumptions? Really, the information in that article is actually quite silly when you really think about it.

Ok, I'll grant the scientists one thing. The whole "pond scum" theory could be slightly possible. After all, Genesis 1:2 says the earth was "formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." If there was "water" there could have been "scum."

But then again, it says the earth was "empty".... I guess that turns the "pond scum" theory into... well.... scum.

What about the whole sun-swallowing-earth theory? Is our home going to turn into solar sustenance? I'm not so sure about that...

The earth was destroyed once so far. God sent the floodwaters to eliminate evil from the surface. Now, I'm pretty sure we are even more evil now than we were when Noah was around, but still, God made a promise after the water receeded.

Gen. 8:20-22 says: "Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it. The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done. As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

Never again will the earth be destroyed. I think that goes for us being solar food too.

What about that whole, ".7 billion years" of intelligent life? Well, since our Bible gives an account of history from Adam to John the Revelator, and contemporary history books can fill in the blanks, I'm not so sure we've been here for .7 billion years. That's a lot of history that's unaccounted for. Pretty fishy if you ask me.

And if we've been told that our final dwelling place, after our millenium in Heaven, is right back here, why would God allow Earth to be engulfed by the sun?

So really this article is a joke, from a Creationist Christian's point of view. It is interesting to see what other people believe, but sometimes common sense out weighs scientific evidence.

At least we'll end the same way we started. With a Big Cosmic Bang!

Heaven in a cup

Its Wednesday, "hump day." I'm in my room, with an brain freeze. The Heaven In A Cup slushie from KR's has given me pains in my head. Blasted slushie. And yet I still drink it. What stupid creatures we are, eh? Something hurts, we know what is causing the pain, and yet we keep doing it. Habit? Nature? Addiction? I'm not sure what it is... probably just stupidity.

Mid-terms start next week. Booo. bah. curses! Mid-terms are not fun, but they are something every college student must endure. An hour, no, 50 minutes, to recall everything you've learned over the last quarter, and then walk out knowing your future GPA is at stake.

Some mid-terms aren't bad. The ones that teachers give study guides for are nice.... if you use the guide. (Of course I do. Cause the ones who prepare me often know I need the preparation.)

But Mid-terms mean one good thing. Spring break is 9 days away! In 9 days I will be in a car with some of my closest friends, heading for Myrtle Beach, SC for 4 days. The Beach! Oh how I have missed the beach! The 5 of us pooled (splurged) on a hotel room for the 4 days. Beach front. Hot tub. REAL TV! hahaha Being a college student in an Adventist school and dorm makes you really appreciate the little things. Like TV. Bathtub showers. Heck, baths! big beds (even if you have to share). Chicken. you know, the little things that Adventist education (and most secular education) deprives you of for the sake of... well.... you're best interest, I think.

Maybe I'll get to sleep in! Oooh, what a thought that is!

So tonight is the lunar eclipse. 10:26pm is the best time to see it, or so I've heard. Let's home it's not cloudy, which it probably will be as it's already cloudy and is supposed to rain tomorrow. Buckets. Cats and dogs. Torrents. (ok, 2 inches is predicted... is that really torrents?) But anyways. I wanna see the eclipse, so it had better clear just for me. Yes, just for me.

Looking back, this blog doesn't really seem the happiest. I don't understand that. I guess I'm just feeling a bit melancholy. Oh well.

Must go take pictures. More musings later perhaps.

safety invaded

Why do I feel edgy and uncomfortable in an environment I'm so used to? And for no visible reason?

There's an older gentleman on campus who threatened a girl a couple weeks ago on the Greenway. It got the girls dorm semi-locked down, setting off the building's alert system with a description of the guy and warning the girls to not go anywhere alone. The police were called, but as far as I know, nothing was done. I guess they think he's bi-polar.

Tonight, as I walked into Brock with Jordan, we were told the guy was on campus again and had been spotted IN Brock! Apparently he is wearing tan pants and a plaid shirt.

None of us in the Mac Lab tonight have actually seen this guy, but now we are checking around every corner and fearful of leaving the building alone. But we personally have not seen him. So why are we scared?

I walk these halls every day. I know every classroom. I know most of the people who are here right now, and if I don't know them, I still see them every day.

But someone has invaded the safeness of my little world. And it's put me on edge. I don't like it.