Hi!

Hey!
Just thought I'd write before I started considering going to bed for the night. ;-)

I mean... uh... if my parents are reading this, before I DO go to bed for the night!

Actually, I should be going to bed soon anyways, been up late so many nights this week... thanks to SOMEONE!! hahahaha

Tomorrow I get to go visit another cemetary! I can't wait! I enjoy them so much! The history that you can find in them...

Sometimes when I see a particularly eloquent headstone I wonder what kind of person they really were. Did they truly live up to the inscription? Or was their family just trying to be polite one last time? And what about all the stones for babies? Those make me so sad... children who die before they are even a year old. I wonder if they were from a big family, or if they were the only child ever born to their parents. Were they the oldest? the youngest? Or were they unwanted? There are so many questions around each headstone. You could create wonderful lives for the person, or they could be a dastardly villian! It's such a "scope for the imagination!" to quote Anne Shirley.

Ok! I'm done! :-D

Time to go for the night. I want to do some reading, and maybe some writing, before I go to bed. And maybe I'll catch some interesting people online. We'll see how things go. I just need to keep in mind that I can't sleep in tomorrow... blah...

G'night!

Website updated!

Yes, I updated my website!... well... a part of it. I put up some new poetry!

Check out the site here.

Maybe I'll update some more stuff tonight too... Who knows.

Tootles!

More Lyrics

Ok, here's another song that has wormed its way into my heart. heehee

Beauty From Pain ~ Superchic[k]
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dream ran my sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When like before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed
I will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn

After all this has passed
I will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Just for fun...

I found this on a friends journal. I was curious about it, so I tried it. Those who know me well, how close is this to me? :-)

Your Life Path Number Is 11

11 Your life path is greatly associated with spiritual awareness. As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others. The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured. These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society. The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life's mysteries and more intriguing facets. Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures. You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close. On the negative side, there is a lot of nervous tension associated with the 11 life path, and you can be a difficult person to deal with because of this. For this reason, relationships, at times, can be difficult. This is a Life Path that seems to feature broad mood swings between the elation and depression. You are likely to have trouble making decisions and getting your life in gear, so to speak. There is a tendency for the 11 to harbor feelings of uneasiness, and dissatisfaction with accomplishments and personal progress in life. Your grandiose schemes usually make sense, but you can get off the track and they can be very impractical. You have a very distinct side that lacks common sense, and you are quite often unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In this regard, you are perhaps more of a dreamer than a doer. When you do get on target, your ideas seem to have been inspired on high. Perhaps you are not a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Ketchup!

Hi Folks!

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted! I need to work on that... But ya know, sometimes life gets the better of you, and leaves you with either no free time, or no inspiration. Kinda stinks. Oh well, I'm here now!

Let's see, to catch you all up on whats been happening with me...

Well, last weekend I went to visit my old church, and spent the weekend with some old friends. That was fun! Cass and Amanda, we need to get together sometime before life gets too busy!

Then I worked during the week.

Wednesday I pick up Amber, Aaron's girlfriend. It is never boring with her around! :-) On the way home, we stopped in to see Mike at Subway. Luckly we happened to come in during a slow point, and we were able to talk for a while before Mike had to go back to work.

And then, hmm... I was sorta sick over the weekend, so I stayed home from church. Saturday night I went to Adah's for her family's seder. That was fun. Jewish food is SOOO yummy!!! I may have to sneak out of school next year to come up for it. heehee

Yesterday evening, I went over to Mike's and we watched Electra. (such a guy movie. lol) Its always fun to go over there, surrounded by guys. :-) I'm almost "one of the guys"..... Andrew was comfortable enough to burp in my ear a couple of times. I think I either have to keep up with them, or get really girly so they treat me like a lady..... I think I'd prefer the former! hahaha! I hope they can teach me a few things about archery because.....

You are looking at Camp Winnekeag's new Archery Instructor! Yup, along with one of the guys from camp, I am teaching something I know nothing about... yet. I guess camp is gonna pay for my training though, which is good, cause I certainly cant afford it!

Well, I think thats all for now!

Tootles my friends!

Hope!

Lamentations 3:19-33 -
"19I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
20I remember it all--oh, how well I remember--
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
21But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
22GOD's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
23They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
24I'm sticking with GOD (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
25GOD proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
26It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from GOD.
27It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
28When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
29Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
30Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
31Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
32If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
33He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way..."

Jeremiah writes about Jerusalem's fall and distruction. He tells of the desolation, and the abominations that happened; death, invasions, cannibalism... And yet, in these verses, he still expresses his hope in God.

He witnessed terrible things that most of us can't even fathom. But he never lost his faith in God.

Think of all the things we go through that "challenge" our faith in God. Compare them to what Jeremiah had to deal with. Our problems seem pretty small now, don't they?

Yet why do we let our problems and our issues weaken our faith?

Hmm....

Hindsight is 20/20

If that's so, then I obviously dont have very good hindsight, since my normal sight isn't even close to 20/20!

Had a fun day today at the eye docs. He made my pupils get HUGE!! haha!

I was overdue for an exam, so AA and I went today. I wanted to ask if it was possible for me to get contacts, so I could just buy sunglasses at Wally World. Sadly, 'twas not to be. See, my eye's are in such a shape that I have to wear my glasses every waking hour, just to protect them! My left eye is so weak, that my right eye does all the work. So I need to protect my right eye. If something happens to it, I'm up a creek and not able to see where I'm going! hahah! So I picked out some new frames, they are greeeeen. I also picked out some cool sunglasses to fill with my prescription. Yippie!

Well, time for me to run away again...

Tootles!

Totally Awesome Songs!

Hey folks! I was listening to one of my totally awesome cds on the way home from work today, and three songs really hit me. Some of you know what I've been going through over the last few weeks. These songs kinda hit the proverbial nail on the head. I hope they hold as much for you as they did me!

On My Own ~ Barlow Girl
I can't believe that I"m here in this place again
How did I manage to mess up one more time?
This pattern seems to be the story of my life
Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time

'Cause I promise myself I wouldn't fall
But here I've fallen
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

Oh God You have to save me
You're my last and only hope
All my right answers fail me
I can't seem to make it on my own

I always thought that I would be strong enough
What made all of them fall couldn't take me down
Yeah, did I think that I was above it all
I have learned that pride comes before the fall

I can't promise that I won't fall
'Cause here I've fallen
I know I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

You Led Me

You Led Me ~ Barlow Girl
Good morning
The night is over and gone
I thought once
This dark would last for so long

Feel the sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place

Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free

Do you see
Just what you've done in my life?
You gave me
More then I hoped for; now I

feel your sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place

Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free

Feel the sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place

Never Alone

Never Alone ~ Barlow Girl
I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no.
I needed you today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
Said you'd be there
And though I haven't seen you
Are you still there?

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel you by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see you
And I can't explain why
Such a deep reassurance
You've placed in my life.
We cannot separate
'Cause you're part of me.
And though you're invisible
I'll trust the unseen.

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel you by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

I'm Back!!!

A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn. ~Author Unknown

The Ashley has returned! * listens for applause *

Well, yeah. Anyways! I really need to find something to eat, I'm starving. Just wanted to let everyone know I was back!

Much love!

Well, Folks...

I think I need some time away from this. I have too much going on in my head right now. I'm angry with someone, and I dont want that to leak out on here. So I dont think I'll be posting for a while until I can either get some answers, or get over this. Who knows how long that will take.

I've been seriously hurt, and I'm finally angry about it. I feel like a fool. An idiot. Choose your word.

Anyways, that's all. Feel free to still email or IM. I'll be around.

I...want...to...scream. :-)

I never do this, but tonight, I need to vent. I am SO....SOMETHING right now. I dont know if I'm angry or hurt or frustrated or all three or something totally different. All I know is I have an elephant sitting on my chest, I'm shaking, I'm tense, and I can't sleep.

Can anyone tell me if it is a crime to be myself? Is it required for me to be something I'm not just to keep a friend? Should I be meek and compliant to avoid confrontation? Should I be what I'm expected to be and nothing more?

Argh!

I think I'm ok now...

Ok, I think my extremely girly side has gone back into hiding for now. The world is safe again!!

Today is already looking to be a gorgeous day. The sun is shining, there's very little snow left on the ground, the rain clouds have blown off... Part of me really doesnt want to go to work because it's so nice out! I dont want to be stuck indoors!

Ok, once again, I must be going. Have another PT appointment at 10. Speaking of which, does anyone have a stationary (is that the right spelling?) bicycle? It's been prescribed by my pt... blech.

Gotta go rustle up some grub. Tootles!

I'm in love!

Ok, I went shopping tonight by myself. Something I dont do very often. I went into the Gap, another thing I dont do very often. And I looked at their purfumes, something I just dont do.

I found one. I love it. Its called "Delicate Sagemoss" and it smells SOOOO GOOOD. I put a little on my wrist, and have been smelling it all night... (Which is really weird, it's a totally girly thing to do, and I'm usually not like this)

My next $20 is buying it... I am that hooked. It was the only one there that I liked, the others were either nasty, or smelled like old ladies.

I can't believe it... I think I'm turning into a girly girl.... Nah, it can't be. I still dont like skirts, or shorts, HATE pink... I think I'm safe for now. Maybe I'm just turning into a *gasp* woman...!!!

Anyways, I should head to bed now, sniffing my wrist. hahaha I am so DUMB sometimes!

Good night!

Malachi 3:3

I got this in my email today, and thought it was so awesome! I had to share it with you!

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at the next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire.

If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Brrr...

It's cold outside. I just got back from making a trip to the dump. I had looked at the thermometer before we left, and it said 50*! Wahoo, I thought. 50 is warm!

Not so.

This is the coldest 50 degrees I've felt in a long time. My hands are still cold and stiff! It's hard to type! I've got goosebumps all over! I have hot chocolate in the making though, so that should help. I've only got an hour though before I have to leave again to take Aaron to the church. I'm cold just thinking about it... no, wait, I'm just STILL cold! Ha!

Gotta go, I hear my water boiling in the kitchen. bye!

April Showers

Bring May Flowers!

And I certainly hope so! The last few days have been very wet. I'm ready for summer!!

I can't stay long, need to do some work on my room again... something exploded... I think it was my dresser, but I'm not sure. And I have a big fat hairy spider in here somewhere, I saw it scurry across the floor this morning. I really dont care about spiders, couldnt care less, I just dont like the idea of waking up to it crawling across my face. So I have to find it and exterminate it.

Among other things.

Time to go! My tumbly is rumbly, first things first!!

Just Gray?

Gray is a sleepy color, dont you think? it's the color of dreams. Not really black and white, but not brilliantly colored either. Kind of the color of indecision too. It can't decide if it wants to be black or white.

But add just a hint of color, and it changes the whole mood of things. Slowly the words start to come alive, they arent to depressing anymore. Gradually, the color pushes up from inside, and before you know it, a brighter shade appears.

And with the brighter shade come whole new ideas. Suddenly, visions of irises come to mind, with their pretty blue-purple petals. It also brings to mind the color of the sky right before a huge thunder storm lets loose, when the clouds are churning and rolling.

And then the rain falls. And with it, an entirely different color appears. The sky, the trees, the roads, the grass, they all seem to shine blue-green. And if the storm happens to take place on a beachside, the raindrops fall into the ocean, and the colors blend into a wonderful turquoise capped in white.

After a little while, the clouds blow away to torrent on another piece of land, and the sky turns blue again. Dotted with white gulls and black crows, the bright blue sky fills any line of sight. All the colors that before were muted and drab are now vivid and vibrant, not wanting to be ignored.

The grass and the leaves sparkle with wetness, enhancing their natural colors. The flowers show up brilliantly against their rich greenery. The white washed houses and fences glow pale green as they reflect the sunlight through the branches.

Roses are in bloom. Lilacs and lillies too.

And above it all, the sun smiles down, capturing it all in a picture that human eyes will never see. For it's only from that great distance that one can see the true beauty that surrounds us.

And it all began with gray.

One Hour

One hour ahead. Yesterday it was 4:21, today its 5:21. Hmmm...

I wonder, with these computers that change the time automatically, what would happen if I stayed up all night, watching the clock to see the time change? Would it really change? Or is it like the boiling pot, that doesnt do anything so long as it's watched? Hmmm... And if it does change, it probably just skips an hour. Like, it will go from 1:59am to 3am. And what about in the fall when it changes again? When it goes back an hour? Will it go from 1:59am to 1am again? I wonder...

Well, my brain hurts now from thinking. I'm gonna head out. Gotta take Amber home soon anyways...if I can convince her and Aaron that she really does need to go home... lol :-)

I need to find socks too.

And a jacket.

And keys would be nice...

It's Friday!!!

I have some time to kill until I have to go pick up Amber, so I thought I'd write some here. I am incredibly bored. I'm writing here so I wont pace around the house. lol I've already folded a load of laundry, started a new load, put some stuff away, vacuumed my room (how DO you spell that word anyways?), and now there's nothing else to do! Well, I suppose I could put away clean dishes..... nah.

Fishie comes today!! Yay! I do have to drive all the way to her house. But thats ok. I'll enjoy the time to myself on the way up, and we'll have some quality girl time on the way back. So it's all good. And on the way back we have to stop and take Wal*Mart by storm. muahaha!! Ok, so maybe not "by storm" but we do need to make a stop.

Man, I'm having a wicked nap attack... gonna stop in Warner on the way up and get a coffee. I'm so sad, I know where every Dunkin Donuts is within about a 20 mile radius. Well.... most of them. There are two on the way to where I'm doing all my GED stuff! And lets see, theres on in Shaws, there's one in the Shell station on Concord, there's one or two in Epsom, there's one in Warner... (I'm sure I'm missing some) See, I have to stop there for gas anyways, so while I'm there... might as well indulge!

Tomorrow night, all the kids and I are going to see my best friend Adah in her school play, The Sound Of Music! It's gonna be fun. I'll smuggle my camera in and try to get some pictures for you. Ah, the wonders of digital cameras! No flash, please!

Wel, I suppose I should get going. Still have 20 minutes before I have to leave. UGH I'm so bored!

Hugs!